Our dear friend and Presence Collective community member Dréa Tyler wrote this lovely reflection after attending a previous Awakening to the New Year Retreat.
An exploration of butterfly metamorphosis seems most poetically perfect to describe my experience with silent retreat.
It starts with an egg: the moment my willingness to deepen my practice outweighs my fears and excuses. I move beyond concerns that my symphony of panic symptoms will arise in the silence, and questions like: How can I leave my family and responsibilities for so long without everything imploding? and Really, no talking for how many days?! I register for retreat and morph to the next stage…
The very hungry (conditioned) caterpillar: I’m so excited for retreat that I start to plan a list of of the stuff I’ll get to unpack and all the problems I’ll get to solve once I’ve have so many full days to dedicate myself to practice. Sure, I’m doing my daily practice, and even keeping close to heart gems from past retreats, but this retreat will be so much better and I’ll go so much deeper. Of course, as the date nears I’ll start to notice a few of the earlier excuses and worries pop back up, but I’ve already registered so onward I go...
Moving into metamorphosis, the chrysalis of community: Days punctuated by mindful walks in glorious nature, and fresh meals fully savored bite after bite have allowed for a spaciousness fully supportive of the 10,000 joys and 10,000 sorrows present in hours of practice. The cocoon-like atmosphere of safety, care, gentle guidance, and deep comfort on retreat feel too nourishing for my old friends of panic and anxiety to be indulged. Sure, they are here, but something about being able to sit fully with them, and all other aspects of myself, resets volume levels that have been so very exaggerated and unbalanced.
I notice that retreating at the change of one year into the next, while dedicating attention to intention, offers a powerful practice perspective. Sitting in circle with the dozens of other kindred practitioners, on a shared sacred path, offers such inspiration, hope, and security. And of course, the laughs and fun that are found, even in silence, reminds me of the sheer power of our presence. Oh, and all that stuff I packed to unpack while on retreat, well, some of it is here, but much of it evaporates as I remember my true nature is wholeness, awareness and unconditional love. What Caverly offers rings so true: in the experience of love, everything else falls away.
Behold, me, the butterfly: Upon release from our practice sanctuary we are gifted an encouragement to “just go and twinkle.” As we integrate our retreat practices into our routines a few of us joke about efforts to preserve our advanced twinkle state. What is impossible to deny is that the remembrance that occurred during the chrysalis of our collective presence is real, powerful, and lasting. My hope is that it may be of benefit to all, perhaps even inspiration to some. And with this at heart I gratefully and humbly return to egg phase, having already registered for my next retreat.
There’s still time to join us for this year’s Awakening to the New Year Retreat! Learn more and register here.
